My Watch Begins…

So…The baby is almost here. We think. He’s kind of taking his time, and by that, I mean, he’s not even due until tomorrow but hey, who doesn’t love a good run-on sentence and some impatient parents-to-be?

In other news, we go to doctor’s appointments. A lot of doctor’s appointments. On this week’s episode of The Okayest Dad, we find our wayward hero jammed in a tight corner of a doctor’s office in a too-small chair…

To say that most of our appointments were run-of-the-mill would be an exaggeration. Nine times out of eleven, they ended with the tight snap of plastic gloves being removed, a tentative “do you have any questions?” and a “see you next time…” from the smiling obstetrician. Our last appointment ended with a notably different and remarkable question; one I’d yet to hear as both doctor and pregnant patient parted ways:

“So, are you ready to have a baby tonight?” said the doctor, with a smile and a wink. My wife met her gaze with an expression of excitement and discomfort. The doctor had just finished her 39 week pregnancy exam and (without going into too much detail) had performed what has been explained to me as a procedure to “prepare the cervix and potentially trigger the labor process.”

My brain stumbled over the words of her question as she non-nonchalantly tossed the balled up gloves in a wastebasket. Her mouth kept moving and I would imagine that sound accompanied those words but I wasn’t hearing anything; wasn’t tuned to the right frequency.

“Are you ready to have a baby tonight?” droned a loud speaker on repeat in both of my ears.

My first three brain thoughts, were as follows:

1. “Wait, what?”

2. “Yeah. Of course we are. Um, can we think about it?”

3. “Did we buy a crib? Is the nursery ready? Where is he even going to sleep? Isn’t Game of Thrones on tonight?!? No, of course not. It’s not Sunday. It’s Wednesday.”

My wife’s only had one response, brain and words synced up:

“YES!” She said emphatically. No question, no debate, no input from other involved parties necessary. She is ready, willing and ready to have this baby. (Did I mention ready?)

There’s no punchline to this story. Just a harrowing realization that soon, very soon, winter is coming. Winter is a baby. And that baby’s name is…

Actually, we haven’t named him yet, but that’s a story for another time.

We are officially one day away from D-Day. And if this baby doesn’t show up on time, I’m filling out a strongly worded comment card to the baby-delivery-date-estimator-people.

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