Milky Sneeze Bombs

 

ch861023If you’ve never tip-toed from the kitchen to the living room with a cup of Airborne in one hand, a mug of slightly-less-than-hot coffee in the other and a baby monitor gripped between your teeth like a pirate with a knife, well, good for you. You’re not me, because I just did that.

And you think to yourself:

Me: Really, Baby Gods? This is my day? (It sounds much more garbled around the baby monitor.)

Baby Gods: *chuckle and nudge each other, pointing and laughing at me from on high, each perched on their own frothy cloud of Perfect Baby Smiles and Giggles.*

Me: This was NOT in the brochure.

Truth be told, today was a good day and there is no brochure. Correction: It was a better day. I say that as to provide context to the past week as The Okayest Baby was struck solid with a cold virus. This beastly of all beasts virus ultimately transitioned into a case of loose dookies which subsequently got O.B. ejected from the daycare game. For the past week, Okayest Mom and Yours Truly have been providing only the toppest of notch Huggins and Lovins in an effort to mend O.B’s backside destruction.

The finale, you ask? What more, pray tell? After a full week of dodging Okayest Baby’s milky sneezes like Neo from the Matrix, I’m confident that a few made their mark (on my face) which brings this quip full circle to me tip-toeing into the living room with a cup full of Airborne.

All in all, over the past month or so I’ve made note of a metric ton of possible blog articles and/or witty titles based on real-world shenanigans. Unfortunately, none of them wrote themselves overnight. I’ll detail a few of them below in hopes that you’ll imagine them in your imagination machines and tell me how witty and topically funny they were:

Where do prostitutes get their clothes? (I was/am legitimately curious.)

My Wife Tried To Assassinate Me Today. (True story. I barely escaped with my life.)

How Do You Explain Star Wars To A Baby? (I Googled this. No help.)

My Parents Are Children.  (Enough said.)

My Mom Texts Me, Pretending To Be My Father.  (This was a fun discovery.)

Did You Run Over The Christmas Lights?  (A game of Christmas Clue to find out whodunit.)

 

Your turn, frands! Which of these would you most like to read next???

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